Drowned - America x Reader

Pale sunlight filtered into the room as if the sun had stretched its fingers out along with the early morning hour. The sheets to the large king sized bed shifted, following with a slow, low sigh. Reaching over from the far right side, the blonde’s fingers searched the other half only to find the bedding made and empty.

It took a few moments to register this. A small sleepy, knowing smile ran across his face as the man lied facedown with the white sheets up to his waist. A slight shiver slid through his upper body due to the cool morning air making contact to his exposed back. The smile melted as he turned over, facing up at the white painted ceiling. Previous memories flooded back to him from the night before.

It all started with a phone call.

Brrrring!… Brrrring!

“Y’ello?”

Sniffling and then, “H-Hey Al.”

“(Y/n)? Hey are you alright?” Alfred cradled the phone between his head and shoulder as he hastily paused the movie playing through the darkness of the living room and a popcorn bowl flew from his lap. “I’m… It’s just… I’m sorry for calling, but I just don’t know who else to turn to,” it sounded like (Y/n) went to great lengths to avoid breaking down mid-sentence. 

“You know you can tell me anything,” his voice slowed to a soothing tone.

“Will just broke up with me… h-he sent me a text an hour ago about getting his stuff moved out of my house tomorrow,” (Y/n) quietly cried – into what it sounded like – a pillow due to the muffled chokes.

“Oh… God,” the realization hit Al like being caught in a train wreck, “(Y/n) I’m so sorry,” he ended up trailing off for the lack of words.

“A-Alfred?”

“I’m heading to get my keys right now so-”

“Could I come over?”

A long pause cut through the conversation like a knife. 

“…Whatever you want, whatever it is, I’ll make it happen.”

“Thank you, Alfred,” she said softly before hanging up.

They both knew what she really meant by asking. She felt lonely, she asks to stay over, he could only agree, and that was the only way he knew how to help his friend. Al knew it was wrong, but this wasn’t the first time. Hell, he couldn’t even remember how long this had gone on. She was his sinful best friend. 

There was only one flaw in their plans; he was in love with her. He would do anything for her, and if anything meant a night over then of course it would happen. Even if she was sleeping with him out of loneliness. 

It made him realize that there was a fine line between reaching that step with someone that loved you and with someone who loved you as something completely different. The hands running through hair, clothes being discarded, and those eyes… damn this eyes always caught him. Those (e/c) eyes were always drunken in lust as they peered up at him. Sometimes it was like they were staring right past him. Each time it was like a small portion of him was drowning in the endless sea of (e/c), never to surface again.

But he was drowning for her and he would do it a hundred times over because she was the only thing that mattered. 

A knock at the door sent it almost flying off its hinges as Alfred quickly wrapped his arms tightly around the red eyed (h/c). Slowly, she embraced him back. “I’m so sorry,” he said into her hair.

“You shouldn’t be… but thank you.” 

Once he let go (Y/n) looked up and gave a pain filled smile. Her face gave away the tears that ran down her cheeks on the drive here. Taking her chin with one hand, Al wiped the mascara running from under one eye with his thumb. A frown covered his face, “I swear. If he did anything to you-”

“No… no, he just,” she paused to gather herself, “I guess it just didn’t work out for him.” A crack in her voice sent him over the edge as he embraced her again, “I’m sorry I even said anything.”

Gently, Alfred picked he up so that she was nestled to his chest. He carried her from the doorway, closed the door with his foot, and moved to the couch where he placed her. Her hands held tightly to his, clinging to keep any tears from falling. 

“Hey,” Al said, cupping her face, “You’re going to be alright, okay? Trust me. You’re gonna get through this because no jackass like that is going to tear you down.” All she did was nod slightly as she stared up at him. He felt his face wash red and looked away. “I-I know,” she said after a while.

(Y/n) angrily wiped away tears that had escaped her (e/c) eyes, “Why do I keep doing this to myself?” She sniffled, “I just- I feel like all I’m doing is tearing myself apart and – and I’m just so tired of all this… this…” She grabbed ahold of his shirt and started bawling into his chest. Slowly, he hugged her, “Come on (Y/n). You thought it would work out and it didn’t. It’s all apart of trial and error, dude. You have to take risks with your heart,” Alfred whispered the last parts to her as she gripped tighter to his shirt.

“Do you promise that you won’t leave me?"

He blinked and felt a desperate need to the small request, “I’ll never leave you. Not even if my life depended on it.”

You are my life.

A small pinky wrapped around his and a whisper, “Good.”

Once he felt her grip loosen, he kissed her on the forehead and let his lips linger for a moment.

“Can I…?”

The (h/c) lifted her hand slightly to his head. To a slight nod, she began toying with the blonde hair that had fallen in his face. Al watched her eyes, her mouth, her nose, as her fascination in his hair grew. His fascination in her grew with it.

She laughed as she ruffled his hair, turning it spiked and smoothed it back again. “Hello Mr. Gatsby,” (Y/n) smiled as she climbed into his lap. Her brow furrowed as she noticed a strand of hair that wasn’t slicked back as the rest was. The (h/c) ran her ringers through his hair and leaned back admire her work. A scowl crossed her face. “What?” Alfred smirked at her frustration; it amazed him how fast she could turn her back on depressing situations. “This stupid cowlick. It’s keeping you from looking like Leonardo Dicaprio in The Great Gatsby.” 

Chuckling, he watched her lick her hand and attempt to smooth out the cowlick. 

A sharp breath hit him and he quickly grabbed (Y/n)’s wrist. Her eyes darted to his, a bit shaken at his actions; a mischievous grin crossed her face once she saw the blonde biting harshly down on his bottom lip. Alfred’s blue eyes gazed at (Y/n)’s. “… please don’t… do that…” 

Grinning, the (h/c) shifted to the point where she was straddling him. He felt his eyes grow wider as she leaned in and ran both of her hands through his hair, her hands stopped at the back of his head where she pulled his blonde hair roughly. He breathed in slowly, eyes glued to hers. He was officially putty in her hands.

“W-what are you doing?”

“My, my, my, Mr. Jones. How long has it been since the last time I heard you stutter?”

Alfred swallowed, he opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She pulled his head towards hers, tugging harder on his hair.

All he could do was give a small whimper. 

“What is it Alfred Jones?” She whispered into his ear, “Are you…” The (h/c) undid one button to his shirt, “… scared of me?” 

Alfred struggled to control his breathing, he exhaled a rugged breath and gave a wavering grin, “Oh, so, you’re going there? … Otherwise… Absolutely terrified.”

Their faces were an inch apart, he could feel her heartbeat through the thin clothing. She picked up his clenched fist and gently unfolded each finger. They unveiled marks on his palm from the fingernails digging into his skin. In the very least the pain kept him from doing something extremely stupid. And now look at what she had done, (Y/n) unwound his very self-restraint.

She continued with drawing his hand up to her face where she leaned her cheek into his hand.

You do realize that this means nothing.

Her (e/c) gazed at him innocently, tracing meaningless lines on the back of his hand. 

This may mean something to you, but to her this little rendezvous means nothing.

The hair slicked back had finally fallen from place and back into his eyes. She brushed it away along with the cowlick.

Don’t you realize this?

Unable to pay any attention to consulting reason, he fell into the endless sea of (e/c) once again. Grabbing the back of her head, he drew her lips to his and spent no time to deal with rejection. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he picked her up off the couch with her legs wrapped around his waist. His lips pressed hard against hers, virtually inseparable. Al stumbled out of the living room and up the stairs.

She’s going to drown you in this façade she’s put up. Though you don’t want to, you know you can see it.

Her back slammed against the wall as her fingers ran from his messy blonde hair and down his back. He tilted his head a bit to the right as he desperately kissed her from her bottom lip and down her neck. (Y/n) breathed in sharply, gripping his biceps tightly.

The pair moved from the wall and into the bedroom where he tossed her onto the bed, throwing her worn down tennis shoes off. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. “What?” She asked through heavy breaths as he climbed over her, looking down at those (e/c) eyes once again. He blinked and shook his head, “Nothing. I said nothing.” (Y/n) smiled and stared up at him through half lidded eyes while moving her hands to his belt buckle. 

The rest is history.

And now look at what you’ve done to yourself.

Alfred sat up and brushed his hair back from its messy state. As he stood he felt heavier, not physically, but mentally. The weight on his plans, thought, and dreams just seemed to be… heavier. It was like God had decided to drop an anvil right on top of his soul.

Looking in the mirror, he noticed there were bags under his eyes and he had apparently misplaced his glasses. He tossed through the pillows and sheets, careful to not disturb the perfectly made left side of the bed until he noticed that there were glasses neatly folded right on top of the pillow… he was partly blind without them from the fact that it took twenty minutes to realize that they were right in front of his face. 

After that fiasco, he walked slowly downstairs in only his batman boxers. He rubbed his eyes once he flashbacked to the night before and turned around to look at the wall just beyond the stairs. The paint was scratched, showing a bit of white behind the light blue, a thought struck him of if he had hurt her from the impact. A frown stayed on his face. The anvil grew heavier once he began making breakfast, after making just about everything from bacon to eggs he looked down at the food and felt sick at the sight of it. Pushing the plate away, instead he grabbed a yogurt from the fridge.

He was her toy. Al would do anything for her even if it killed him. All he did anymore was worry about her; think about her, talk about her. It was like he was enchanted with everything that she was and will be, but it will never come to be between them because (Y/n) herself was the illusionist to it all. But that was the sad truth; Alfred had put up a false hope to protect him. He imagined that maybe one of those dark nights that she would realize that she loved him all these times and not all the other guys that went out of their way to trample her heart. It was his own fault.

A nagging consciousness of his cell phone lying on the couch grew to him. Alfred sat at the table with his face in his hands, ‘I have to do this.’ His clenched fist hit the table, making the plate on it tremble.

Glancing at the couch, he slowly walked over to it and peeked over the back to see his cell phone lying in between the couch cushions. Reaching down took all of his will alone, much less getting past the lock screen to find (Y/n)’s contact already open.

The contact information showed her name, number, and an icon of her picture. Unconsciously, his thumb moved over her picture. At the time it was taken, she was holding his phone away from him while taking about a million selfies of her sticking her tongue out. One of them made it onto her contact apparently. In the top right corner you could see Alfred’s hand reaching in, grabbing at the camera. (Y/n) looked so happy, such a contrast to how she was on the arrival of the previous night. He kept staring at the picture and, in effect, stubbed his toe on the couch. Searing pain clawed up his leg. 

“Shit!” The yell echoed as he grabbed his foot, neglecting the fact that the phone fell out of his hand and onto the hard wood floor. 

Cursing aloud, he fumbled to the phone and quickly searched for any scratches or cracks. None; but it had began dialing a number. Alfred adjusted his glasses and read (Y/n) (L/n). His eyes widened and nearly dropped the phone a second time while bringing it up to his ear, ‘Now or never.’ As the phone continued ringing, waiting for the girl on the other end to pick up, he began thinking about what he was going to say. It’s not like he can straight up spew out, “Hey, I’m kinda not into being apart of the – you know – the whole fuck buddies ordeal much anymore if that’s alright for you. It’s just that it’s sucking my entire soul up like a ghost in Ghost Busters. Nothing big though. And do you want to go see that new Captain America movie comin’ out soon? It kinda looks epic. Oh, and by the way, I think I love you. Talk to you soon.” In short, it’s not something he could strike up in a casual conversation.

“Hey, sorry, but I’m not at the phone right now so please leave a message. I’ll get back to you ASAP, thanks!” He could hear the smile in (Y/n)’s voice. Alfred was there when she set up her voicemail in the first place; if you listened closely you could hear faint snickering in the background.

The phone beeped, “Oh, hey. It’s just Al… call me back when you gotta chance.” And then he ended the call. His home screen appeared of himself with the same girl he just called hung over his shoulder smiling like a little kid that just got a new bike. Shaking his head, he tossed the phone on the couch and marched upstairs to get dressed.

‘She’ll never talk to me again,’ he thought, ‘not after this.’ 

Once he reached his closet and pulled a shirt over his head his breath came short once he heard a familiar ringtone sounding downstairs. Jumping into a pair of jeans, he looked downstairs as if a burglar had broken in. Realizing that it wouldn’t ring forever he stumbled downstairs and into the living room.

“’sup?” He breathed into the phone once he slammed onto the answer button. “Hey, Alfred. You called me a couple minutes ago and sounded pretty serious, is anything wrong?” Her tone sounded littered with concern. “O-oh, I did?” Alfred tried to find his bearings, “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

A flashback from the night before came to him, “My, my, my, Mr. Jones. How long has it been since the last time I heard you stutter?”

“I actually wanted to talk about last night,” he said, surprised by his forwardness. There was a pause, “About last night… about Will?”

“No. Not really, no.”

Al rubbed his eyes, “(Y/n). We both know what I’m talking about. And it was bound to come up for discussion." 

He heard a sigh, “I-I know Al… I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. There isn’t any reason to be sorry. Please, I just want you to hear me out,” the blonde took a deep breath, “You do realize that I really care for you right?”

“Yeah, of course, I’m lucky to have someo-”

“You’re the center of my world, you know that right?”

“W-well, I didn’t really-” 

The grip on the phone tightened, “I love you. And not in the Instagraming BFF way. I’m talking about really loving you.”

There was a long pause, so he forced himself to continue, “So, because I love you to the moon and back I would do anything to help you. Absolutely anything. Anything meaning from cleaning up spilled milk to throwing myself between you and a gun. But, please, I just,” he sighed in frustration, “Okay, when you come over and we do… what we do. I just need to know something. Do you love me the way I love you? I need to know this because every time you come over – and don’t get me wrong, I love it when you come over either for a bowl of ice cream and a movie or for… you know – it feels like a little piece of me chips off whenever you do leave in the morning and quite frankly it’s getting closer and closer to the point where there won’t be anything left.”

He paused, waiting for an answer, a reply, a yell, or anything- anything at all. The only reply was silence.

Silence was, by far, more worse than a sob, an angry yell, heck, even the hanging up of the phone.

At this point he gave up, Alfred shut his eyes, “(Y/n), if you hate me now there isn’t going to be anything stopping me from loving you. Not to mention that there isn’t anything stopping me from getting in my car and getting a direct response from you right now.” 

His voice came down to whisper, hardly audible, “Please, please don’t hate me.” 

On the other end the girl’s voice was cracked as if waking up from a long night’s sleep, “Al, I don’t hate you. I-I can’t hate you…” 

She continued, “S-So… I’m sorry for being selfish. God I didn’t even realize how much of a bitch I turned out to be,” it sounded like she was talking to herself more than she was Alfred. “Al, I think… I think… maybe if-”

“Al, are you still going to be my friend?” 

His heart plummeted, “I- what are you talking about? Didn’t you hear me? I’ll do anything for you and if it’s to be your friend then this is probably the easiest thing yet.” ‘So. It’s come down to this. The official friend zone. I wonder if I’ll earn a medal.’ 

“Good. I was worried,” (Y/n) sounded exhausted, “Hey, do you know the little drawer in my night stand? The bottom one?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s where Will’s crap was. I know your apartment like the back of my hand, why?”

“Will came over this morning and emptied it. He didn’t say a word to me. All he did was throw everything in a duffle bag and tossed the spare keys on the counter and Poof! gone… Remember what you said last night?” 

“I said a lot of things last night.”

“About taking risks with your heart.”

“Yeah. Why?” He watched his finder draws a circle on the back of the couch.

“I-I think that my heart has many scars, but… I also think that yours has gone through more battles than mine. Not just with relationships, but with itself.”

“Why would you think ab-” 

“Do you think that it could go through another?”

Al’s breath caught, he didn’t say anything for a while, “…I believe so.”

“... you did say you would do anything for me, is that right?”

“Yeah.” 

"I'm having trouble with this empty drawer... come over and close it for me."